Little Fingers... Little Toes...Big Mouths!

Lilianna, 3 months

Hayden, 21 months


beautiful aren't they?
They are my angels. My life wouldn't be the same without them!

missing you....

Christopher McLean
12/27/1983 - 07/07/2008
Its been a long 9 months without you. I've been strong. I've been trying. At one point, I thought I couldn't live without you. sometimes I just need to have a breakdown. its not like me to cry.
Rest in Peace.

Birth Stories - Lilianna Ruby MacKinnon

That is me. It was 7:30 am on December 27th 2009. It was a day I'll never forget. We were scheduled for a C-section at 9:00 am and told to be there for 7:30 so they can have me change into a gown and lay down on a bed and wait...

Why I had to be there that early? I seriously think Doctors and Nurses really like to make you wait. It's like they're saying 'I went to school for 8 years AFTER highschool, specifically so my time would be more important than yours'. Honestly! Have you ever been late for a doctors appointment? They make you feel like you're a delinquant criminal for being 15 minutes late! Have you ever waited over an hour for your appointment? I have... It was one of those appointments where you shower before and then right after. Yep, I said it. So not only are you dreading the most uncomfortable thirty seconds of your life... You get to sit in a waiting room dreading it for an hour and a half, and then sit in ANOTHER room dreading it for 20 minutes naked..gahhh. icky.

Anyways, back to the story...at 8:45 am. I knew that anytime now, I'd be meeting my beautfiul baby and I was giddy to say the least. Then the nurse came in and told me another woman had just had to have an emergency c-section and I would be waiting for what could be hours until I would even be prepped for surgery. I was pretty darn mad... I hadnt eaten since 11:30 pm the night before and was worried that they might starve me for days while I waited for other people to STOP HAVING BABIES, or atleast pop them out the normal way, gosh! But it wasn't long before I was wheeled into the O.R. and given a Spinal. Ouch! For those who don't know its like an epidural,which freezes you from the waist down. Except it's a one shot deal... so if you start to regain sensation they have to knock you out because there isn't a catheder to administer more drugs... uhhmm yikes.(Don't worry I had no feeling at all. Oh, except for the one where it feels like a sumo wrestler just sat on your chest and you can't breath and then you feel like you're dying and then you get nausea and you cant throw up because youre laying on youre back and have no feeling from the shoulders down....)

So, I was prepped and on the operating table... It was all going fine. It takes around 10 minutes i believe to cut through your skin, fat, muscle tissue etc. THEN, I swear on all things holy,I heard the OB/GYN say "no arms?"! ... "NO ARMS?NO FREAKIN ARMS? I saw the ultrasound and there was definitey arms. WHAT DID YOU BASTARDS DO TO MY KIDS ARMS?!?!" I didn't really say that but i did look at the nurse and then at marshall and say "did he just say 'no arms'?" They both looked at me like I was on crack, but I swear that's what he said... Anyways, She had ten fingers and ten toes and she was perfectly healthy. Weighing in at 7 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long, she was a good size for 2 weeks early.

Moving day...

Ofcourse it would rain on moving day. It always rains on sad days. I've moved away before, but never with a child and not her father :( Its for the best, I know. But I wish we didnt have to go so far.

F@#$%&G STEREO!!!!

This is what it will look like if it happens again

We have this old stereo that used to be Marshall's dad's. It's an okay stereo but its nothing too special. Well atleast once a week Hayden plays with the nobs and turns it on and ends up blowing our eardrums and literally knocking herself on her arse.

Today was a first, as Hayden didnt do anything this time. I was sitting at my computer where the speakers are on either side of my computer desk and all the sudden this extremely loud, ungodly sound was BLASTED through my eardrums. The stereo turned on by itself and was turned all the way up (probably from Hayden playing with the nobs). I AM SO CLOSE TO TAKING A FRIGGIN HAMMER TO THIS THING, I SWEAR!!!

Bad Days..

Yesterday was a bad day. Yep it was one of those days. It started off bad, and it just got worse!
It seems as though everyday has been somewhat bad lately. If its not a fight at work with one of my idiot coworkers its a fight at home with my idiot boyfriend, or if I get lucky and theres no arguments I'll stub my toe or step on a tack, etc.
Today, a favourite blogger I follow made a video post. Although she is typically not a "vlogger" she is pretty funny when she makes them and I think she should do it more often ;)
It was about bad days. She was talking about how bad her day was and how she'd ran into someone who was having a worse day and it made her feel a bit better knowing no matter how bad her day is, someone else's day was so much worse.
That was exactly what I needed! I then began thinking of my troubles and all my friends that had confided in me about their's. Their problems are soooo much worse than mine. So I know this is evil, but i'm so glad I have only the small problems I do!
I guess my lifes not so bad after all!

snow

I hate the snow! But theres something about a little girl with her hat and mits on all excited about the snow that makes me smile a little.