25 things about me:

1.) My favourite colour is green.
2.)I am in love with old school rap.
3.)I also love sappy love songs by the backstreet boys.
4.)I like me some men. :)
5.)I always want what I can't have.
6.)I fall too hard and too fast for people. This usually ends in me getting a bit hurt.
7.)I am a sucker for nice eyes.
8.)I love to cuddle.
9.)I am not a "mate-for-life" person
10.)I love to get advice, but rarely ever follow it.
11.)I have trouble learning from my mistakes.
12.)I have an irrational fear of wooden popsicle sticks (ECK).
13.)I think it would be cool to have 50+ tattoos.
14.)I dont like heat. I'd much rather freeze than be too hot.
15.)I hate seeing pregnant people, now that I am not having anymore kids.
16.)I am easily tempted and very weak when it comes to temptation.
17.)IM HORRIBLE WITH MONEY
18.)I think id have plastic surgery and can name three id love to have right now.
19.)I love watching movies.
20.)Say what you want, I'll admit it, I like Kanye west :S
21.)I am a day dreamer, and occasionally talk to myself.
22.)I like to sing along to my music, but I feel sorry for my neighbours.
23.)I don't think I will ever get married or find "the one".
24.)I have an insatiable love of chocolate peanut butter ice cream from baskin robbins.
25.)I love to dance, even though im a bad dancer.

feelings.

This post has been long overdue. This is a post about my feelings, my frustrations, my heartache.
So here I sit. I never do this, ya know. I'm the happy one. ask anyone. I mean, sure I'm a little, lets say, disgruntled, but I'm the one who looks at the glass as half full. I'm pretty stable. 99% of the time if you ask me how I am, I'll say, "I'M FANTASTIC! How are you?" But not today. For no particular reason, I mean, today was no different then most days. Argument with the ex, screaming kids, DRAMA with friends. It was an average day. But today, the same old bullshit punctured my happy shell of existence. And the things that normally don't get to me, did.
Everyone thinks that people like me, who are generally happy and exuberant are also strong and brave. So in my case, with my divorce (shall we call it) I am the one who appears to be happier and coping with it. He is the one who is crying at night and on the brink of insanity. So on the outside, to my friends and family, I'M THE BAD GUY. I'm the one who threw him out and tore his heart to shreds. But what people don't see is the nights I spent alone while he was out with his friends making poor decisions. The debt I incurred trying to make ends meet, when we had more than enough income to get by. Nobody sees that I am falling apart too. Nobody cares to see what I have accomplished in the few short months that we've been apart. Everyone sees what they want to see: Me making a big mistake. Yes, He was good looking and a hard worker and a down-to-earth, just plain solid guy! My family liked him more than they like me. If they could choose I bet they'd rather get rid of me. And all my family sees is this fat girl who wont get any better. Well I don't need better. Better, to me, is just me and my kids. I DON'T NEED A MAN to measure my self worth. AND YES, I KNOW HOW HARD BEING A SINGLE MOM IS. I am accepting the challenge and I will be a stronger Woman in the end.
On another note, I am also discovering how scary it is and hard it is to be single. Having someone to love you is like instant validation. You dont have to care how you look or what you smell like sometimes. They love you. It doesn't matter how fat you are or if your hair is greasy. But being alone, it really is you against the world. I meet people who are so happy to be alone they are terrified to give themselves to another person. This is because they were hurt. And maybe I might become that way too... but right now I'm keeping focus on school, my kids, and my new life ahead of me. I will try and blog more. for my 1-2 readers lol. It makes me feel better. it centers me.
until next time.
Jackie
XOXO GOSSIPGIRL LMAO.. NOOOTTTT

Marriage....

Heres what I think: Marriage is gay!
that was just to get you in to my evil scam. now you're thinking "did she say gay?" does anyone even use that word anymore?
I just want people to understand how i feel about prejudice.
Gay guys do not act girly and feminine to upset you.
They will not try to rape you if you bend over in front of them.
They do not want to rape your children and "recruit" them.
If youre a prejudiced asshole i hope you realise youre a FAGGOT. (like the irony there?)

Day One: a new beginning

My name is Jackie, and I LOVE JUNKFOOD... I have always eaten unhealthy foods. This is what I looked like 3 years ago, before my two kids:

This is what I look like today:

You can't see my pitiful body in that shot but, it's probably better that you dont. I will be doing a before and after when I reach my goal which is to lose 70 lbs. that will bring me down to 160 lbs. (if you wanna know what i way now, do the math).
Anyways, Today is the beginning of my journey.Im going to be trying to lose weight the UNCONVENTIONAL WAY. through diet and exercise! People always say "try this colon cleanse" or "take this pill/drink this concoction" But im going oldschool.

Bedtime Stories with Adam Sandler

As someone who loves telling her kids stories, I was naturally veryu excited to see this new flick. It stars Adams Sandler, Courtney Cox and a few other well known names.
This movie really met and exceeded my expectations. Considering his last couple films, Cough* "Spanglish"...
If you don't know, the movie is about a man who has to babysit his niece and nephew for a week and ends up telling them wild tales that come true! Its a great movie and if I had to rate it, I'd give it Two thumbs up for sure!

Adopt an orphan in Malawi, become a national treasure?

In light of recent events in the media, I feel obligated to say: "wtf?"
If you don't already know the recent story about Madonna and her adoption issues in Malawi, here's a bit of a recap:
Madonna has been in the works of an adoption of a young girl in Malawi. The same country her son, David was adopted from. Supposedly, she has been advised that David needs another family member of his same ethnicity. The adoption was denied, and she is currently in the process of appeals. It was denied because of laws that require an adoptive parent to reside in malawi for atleast 18 months, to stop adopted children from getting in the hands of people looking to cash in, by selling the children to sex trades.
In Davids case, she was granted an exemption to the rule. Madonna is in a battle to get that baby!
Here's what I think: This woman has the power to drastically change these peoples lives. Not just one child!
Everyone is commending these people for adopting children from impoverished places and it's not deserved. These celebrities have so much money, they can put food on the tables of millions and still afford to live their lavish lifestyles. Maybe Madonna should stop taking babies away from their families, which in this case the children's parents are still alive, and focus on improving the lives of many. Not spoiling rotten one or two.
And further more, just because you have the money to provide for the children, does not mean you are a good parent. It just allows you to hire nannies to parent them for you! I mean, this woman is constantly reinventing her image and who knows if she is going to like the novelty of her adoptive children in a few years.
Really though, who WOULDN'T give THIS WOMAN a child?

Little Fingers... Little Toes...Big Mouths!

Lilianna, 3 months

Hayden, 21 months


beautiful aren't they?
They are my angels. My life wouldn't be the same without them!

missing you....

Christopher McLean
12/27/1983 - 07/07/2008
Its been a long 9 months without you. I've been strong. I've been trying. At one point, I thought I couldn't live without you. sometimes I just need to have a breakdown. its not like me to cry.
Rest in Peace.

Birth Stories - Lilianna Ruby MacKinnon

That is me. It was 7:30 am on December 27th 2009. It was a day I'll never forget. We were scheduled for a C-section at 9:00 am and told to be there for 7:30 so they can have me change into a gown and lay down on a bed and wait...

Why I had to be there that early? I seriously think Doctors and Nurses really like to make you wait. It's like they're saying 'I went to school for 8 years AFTER highschool, specifically so my time would be more important than yours'. Honestly! Have you ever been late for a doctors appointment? They make you feel like you're a delinquant criminal for being 15 minutes late! Have you ever waited over an hour for your appointment? I have... It was one of those appointments where you shower before and then right after. Yep, I said it. So not only are you dreading the most uncomfortable thirty seconds of your life... You get to sit in a waiting room dreading it for an hour and a half, and then sit in ANOTHER room dreading it for 20 minutes naked..gahhh. icky.

Anyways, back to the story...at 8:45 am. I knew that anytime now, I'd be meeting my beautfiul baby and I was giddy to say the least. Then the nurse came in and told me another woman had just had to have an emergency c-section and I would be waiting for what could be hours until I would even be prepped for surgery. I was pretty darn mad... I hadnt eaten since 11:30 pm the night before and was worried that they might starve me for days while I waited for other people to STOP HAVING BABIES, or atleast pop them out the normal way, gosh! But it wasn't long before I was wheeled into the O.R. and given a Spinal. Ouch! For those who don't know its like an epidural,which freezes you from the waist down. Except it's a one shot deal... so if you start to regain sensation they have to knock you out because there isn't a catheder to administer more drugs... uhhmm yikes.(Don't worry I had no feeling at all. Oh, except for the one where it feels like a sumo wrestler just sat on your chest and you can't breath and then you feel like you're dying and then you get nausea and you cant throw up because youre laying on youre back and have no feeling from the shoulders down....)

So, I was prepped and on the operating table... It was all going fine. It takes around 10 minutes i believe to cut through your skin, fat, muscle tissue etc. THEN, I swear on all things holy,I heard the OB/GYN say "no arms?"! ... "NO ARMS?NO FREAKIN ARMS? I saw the ultrasound and there was definitey arms. WHAT DID YOU BASTARDS DO TO MY KIDS ARMS?!?!" I didn't really say that but i did look at the nurse and then at marshall and say "did he just say 'no arms'?" They both looked at me like I was on crack, but I swear that's what he said... Anyways, She had ten fingers and ten toes and she was perfectly healthy. Weighing in at 7 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long, she was a good size for 2 weeks early.